The Seasons

by: Naomi Sun
I

“Lee, why are you so slow? I am bored waiting for you.” My sister said to me for many times with her gloomy face and her dejected expression. I didn’t have to answer her question because she knew my reasons. She knew everything about me. I just kept preparing my needs and as usual I said to her, “You can go ahead, Mera.” But she just stood next to me and stared at my face. At that time, I felt that she really pitied on me. I made my movement faster than that of before. After preparing, she and I waited for bus in front of our house. I saw bus after many minutes past. I got on the bus and Mera shouted “Do the best and get that job!” I looked at her and noded.

On my way, I got a new friend, a beautiful friend, I thought. She was wearing a blue shirt with a flower skirt colouring soft blue and pink. She was like an angel in the warm of summer. Her face is very peaceful and gorgeous with flawless skin, pointed nose and black hair. I met her, Titania, on the bus in classical way. I help her when her books fell down next to my seat. At that time, I actually was thinking about Mera and my self but all of her books directly lost all my thought. It was nice but actually I did not like it. I always imagined that I would meet someone whom I love in winter. So, I thought Titania is not the one for me although she was really intriguing me. She sat next to me and we talked about everything. I also told that I wanted to apply for a job in a company. I did not know how we began our chatting but I just knew that my feeling was happy to listen to her voice and we talked about our hobbies. “I like listening to the music,” she said. “So do I” I perceived her statement. Her face was still peaceful but she seemed rather gloomy. I did not say more, I am afraid of disappointing her with my statement. Suddenly, she showed me her music player and had me listen to her favourite song. “Dancing bears... Painted wings... Things I almost remember...” It sounded very sad for me. I looked at her face, her friendly face, which always brought everyone to her life when she talked or smiled. If I had been able to say that I did not really like her favourite song, this story would have changed, she would have stopped her music player and I would not have listened the following lyrics “... once upon a December.”

Listening to that music till the end, I remembered something, someone, and some stories, I meant a story, called mine. Titania still sat next to me, waited for my opinion about hers and absolutely smiled at me.

Titania frowned when she went as if she was staring at something she did not want. She, in her ego is probably buried in, looked at me quizzically, I think she's weird, or maybe I'm weird, ain’t I? My feeling was so unpredictable, messy, scattered like an airplane that crashed into a cliff or possibly to abyss of infinite height. It’s never limited by time, logic and feelings.

“Someone holds me safe and warm, horses prance through a silver storm, Figures dancing gracefully, across my memory,...”

Titania got out from the bus. Her favourite song was left here in my memory. Here, it’s in my time box that will never stop spinning. Ya... here, it’s in the place that they could never find in their seeking. Ouh... here, it’s in nerves that connect many questions and can be dizzying madness one person, two people, or all people in this world which never stops talking. All things from my past, four years ago in my counting of fingers came again into my minds; the autumn, the winter, girls, a bus, and absolutely a December.

II

I felt the sky giving out light that in fact it is the sun that ruling split into two. The sky continued to rhythmically and believed that the sun will continue to exist until the autumn turned into winter. It’s still in the blue sky that never measure, providing all the colours in the sky that had never lost to grasp in love or solace. I was so fascinated. Fascinated with all things in my body, my mind and everything extended my life.

That should be a special day ever where everyone greeted me, gave all their attention to me, kissed my left and right cheek, hugged me, and said "You're so great." Flowers; roses, lilies, orchids, and few flowers that I do not know their name met my hand. Not only that, the wreath that said congratulations on my name in front of the building was lined graduation. The president of my college congratulated and gave me awards granted directly exclusively. Envious looks from other graduates made ​​the day it was supposed to make it special. Moreover, everyone was cheering my name. Heard that they said: "Lee's parents are very lucky" or "Lee is so great" or "Lee’s girl friend would surely be happy with him" and all the words that actually ill my ears. My left side of one-way speech sounds: "Lee’s brother or sister would join happy." “Oh, really?” In a matter of less than a second, my heart immediately revolted. I wanted to step and say: "How do you know about me? Why do you have to say something like that? Don’t you have other topics to discuss than mine?" But the words were simply buried and left behind in my heart. Sad.

Mera, the only one who I have, was not there. When I told her that I had passed my study in college, she never called even the congratulations she had never spoken. In fact, since my parents (her parents too) died, she was the only one who took care of me and raised me. When I was six years old and always asked about our parents, then she just smiled and said "Lee only took Mera, and Mera just need Lee." From that time, I never again whine because I wanted to meet my parents. I just need Mera.

Yet on that day, the words evaporated like mist in the sun. It’s disappeared, disappeared without a trace. On the day of my graduation, I decided to remove the name of Mera in my life even though I knew that she sincerely loved me as her brother. But I was angry, I was angry because she was to sketch out my sadness when happiness had been achieved. And I really did not understand why he had not contacted me since my graduation yet and did not attend it. I never understand these things like that, even though everyone said that I was smart and intelligent that I could finish college just three years. But, for me this was probably stupid, moron, idiot or every word that they suggested that I'm stupid.

III

My decision to leave Mera on graduation day actually happened. After I had finished all the things related to my education, I decided not to return home. I chose to rent a small room not far from the crowds. There were many companies that offered me a good job. Yet I did not want even one of them. I just wanted to be myself no one asked to do something except me, myself. So, for months I did everything but I felt nothing. I waited for no one. Yeah, no one I never met before always came into my dreams. I always ask my self “whom I was waiting for? Shadow? A girl? Imagination? Future? An angel? Or a... devil?” My mind’s full of never-ending question.

There was not compliment any more. There were not people who admire me any more. There were not falling-leaves any more. People's views of me so quickly changed with each passing season. At that time, many people wore parka, drank beer, and stood in front of their furnace for warming up their bodies. Yeah, it’s winter. Winter, the most beautiful season, I thought. Cold. Every morning I went to no where, just sitting down in the bus. No one cared about me. As usual, I took a seat on the bus and look out around. “Lee,..!!!” I heard that a girl was calling me but I didn’t know whose voice was. When I saw her, I remembered my dreams. Really? She was in my dreams. She was so,...  I was speechless. I was tremble, nervouse, worried,afraid, and other feelings that made me just keep silent. She didn’t smile. She directly said “Don’t you remember me?” I really didn’t know her so I just shaked my head. She looked disappointed. “I am sorry,,,” I said. She wasn’t angry to me. She directly introduced her name and promised that we would meet again two weeks after that day. I noded, yeah just noded and didn’t see what would happen.

Two weeks passed, it’s still in winter, in December, I waited for her in the bus stop where we had promised to meet. I was waiting and waiting, but she did not come. I looked at my watch, a classic watch given by my old sister, Mera. Mera, yeah, I missed Mera. “Where is she now?” My heart whispered. I still sat on the settee, looked at my watch again, remembered Mera again, thought about a girl again, looked at my watch again, and again, and again,... She hadn’t come yet. It was two hours for me sitting on the bus stop to wait. “Is the bus stop wrong?” said my mind. I looked at the bus stop name and it was true.

Three hours passed, she didn’t come. I decided to leave the place. When I left, there were three people came to bus stop; two ladies and an old man. I glanced at them. But there was a lady whom I am familiar with. I stoped walking and called her but she had got on the bus. I ran after the bus while called her name “Mera, Mera,..” When I was running after my sister, I saw the girl whom I was waiting for. She waved her hand to me while smiled at me. I didn’t focus on both of them till I didn’t realize that a car smashed my feet.

“Far away, long ago things I yern to remember

and a song someone sings Once upon a December...”

IV

Believe in me “You will go back to one point.” One point that warm will replace winter, dew will replace the ice, and feelings will replace logic. I opened my eyes. My picture when I was a child hung neatly on the wall, yeah, the blue wall. I really realized that everything was the same as a few years ago before I went to college. The house that belongs to Mera and me stayed the same, same as before. And Mera never changed.

V

“...Someone holds me safe and warm, horses prance

through a silver storm, Figures dancing gracefully,
across my memory,

Far away, long ago things I yern to remember

and a song someone sings Once upon a December...”

The lyrics are always on my minds, and I remember something...

“Titania, today you come back again.”